In all my topics of love and love lost, of heartbreak and despair, I have actually yet to feel the real emotions behind those words I find so enthralling that I imagine I know them; like a painter knowing its masterpiece even before he makes it. I only know of love in the varied books and quotations I purge in, in the whispered endearments of my friends to their lovers and consequently of their heated arguments; every bit of love surrounding me I inhale so deeply that I almost feel it thrum inside me. In all of my lackadaisical ponderings and wishful thinking of the romance that is yet to come to me, I never really noticed that my friends were starting to worry about me. Twenty-one is an early age, I say. Too early for the romance that I wish I could have. Twenty-one is the right age to start getting to know your likes and dislikes, they say, and I look at them with wonder. Of course it is of no shock to me that they’d tell me that knowing that they have had various boyfriends over the course of their teenage years, and maybe they just want me to learn early so I wouldn’t be too hard on myself when I finally meet the guy I would like to spend my days with, but the point is, is it really alright for me to go on dates with guys that shows no interest to me and I to him? And am I not too young for romance? I admit I feel the urge sometime, the desire to belong to someone in ways that makes a person feel good, the wanting to be in to the greatest secret in the universe. How doe it feel like to know that no matter how hard your day will be, there’d always be that person who’s willing to change it all for you? To go out without worrying you’d have no one to accompany you, to sleep with the knowledge that you are loved. These things, they make me want to give in sometimes, but I feel like love should be this great one-of-a-kind thing and I am willing to spend a little more time alone if only for the knowledge that I am already romantacizing the great romance that is yet to come to me.
So, on a totally lighter manner and absolutely off tangent, off key, off course subject and note than I usually write, I think I am having a crush. An absurdly light and random crush for this guy at the Laboratory. I have recently noticed that the guy has taken to greeting me whenever we pass each other, or whenever he comes to an area to which I was assigned. (Note: I am a Nurse at a Provincial Hospital in our place). Of course it could TOTALLY be out of respect or the guy could just be polite, courteous or well-bred but I think (or maybe I wish? Ha) that he likes me. What backs my suspicions too is that when he called on our (my hospital area) phone line one time expecting to talk to my senior but instead being inadvertently ambushed by me, he stuttered so much that I had to repeat his words whenever he paused. After the phone call, I grinned like a maniac and has randomly laughed to myself, remembering his cute stutters. So, does he like me or am I just projecting my crush for him? Penny for your thoughts.