Do you know how it feels like to be touched against your will while seeing the obvious intent clear on your assailant’s eye?
It starts with you feeling the awful mixture of dread, horror and disgust suddenly surging through your system, making you incapable of forming an argument until it is over. When it’s over,the awful remembrance of the incident replaying through your head at every moment you are caught off guard. The inescapable memory of his hands violating you, filling you with those emotions and starting the cycle all over again.
Remember that the next time you harass someone sexually. Remember that you’re taking a little light from your victim, amd may that light that vanished dim your world as well. May you be consumed with guilt; oh how I wish you drown in your guilt and suffocate. Nobody deserves to be violated, be it a male or female.
I wish I could erase the memory but I can only curse now. I can only mutter fuck you’s as I care for the man who told me nasty things and touched my butt without my consent. I am a nurse, I don’t get paid for you to violate me.
So I have devoted the best of my day yesterday and this morning coming up with various scenarios in my head and I have come up with plans I hope would work.
The goal is for me to raise an amount of Php 250,000, which amounts to $6,000 USD or 20,000 AED. This amount is the lowest I could think of which would pay off the expenses I loaned from my parents to get here, afford me a flight ticket back home, and live contentedly there forever. Never mind getting to know the world when I can’t have my family beside me.
So, I have to look for a job and as I am a Registered Nurse in the Philippines, I could only hope that I’d find any nurse-related job here in UAE in the span of a month! So 2 days down and 28 more to go.
As I am looking for a job here, I’d also try to find any nurse-related jobs, caregiving jobs anywhere abroad (as long as it’s not a Muslim country anymore) so that if any company might want me, I could go over there no matter where and hope that the awaiting job would take my mind off my sadness.
And then I’d earn enough and go home! Yay!
The problem though is, what if I can’t find a job? What will happen to me then? I would have to go home to my country and that would inexplicably make me the happiest person but that would sadden my parents. I’d be this big disappointment because I came out here to help them and I only ended up using their savings which they could have put to good use hadn’t I insisted I could make it out here. So unless I bring home a payment for their expenses, I could never face them ever again.
This is terrible planning. Why did you make such a mess of your life, Danna?
I feel so helpless and hopeless. Please, any help?