If I meet my self in 20 years time, will I be able to recognize myself?
If I look back to the past, will I have sweet nostalgia or bitter memory?
Will there be a permanent frown plastered on my face, or will my face be lined with countless laugh lines?
Will I teach my kids to do whatever it is they want as long as they’re happy or will I teach them to suck it and endure as long as they have a stable future?
Will I even have kids to teach? Or a husband to hold?
Will I be living back home again, or will I have made another place my home?
Will I still be doing this profession I enjoy but is constantly struggling with, or will I have made a name for myself in another industry?
Will I still be close with my family, or is my going away now the start of a distance much harder to cross than a thousand miles of endless ocean?
Will I be able to remember all the journey I would have to make to get to where I will be or will those memories be erased by suppression, repression, or a grave illness?
Will I still be alive then?
Looking back at all these questions that I would probably have an answer by then, will I be satisfied by the answers, or will I wish I’d never known?
Will I know better, or will I still be fumbling like I am now?
No matter which path I take, the future is set in waves.
What I might be considering a minor mistake now could have a large impact on my future.
Like how I made an impact by insisting I go away.
No one made me to, no one told me so; this move I made all on my own. Because I put such a burden on my shoulders, because I cared too much about things that were considered parental problems, but still all of this I did on my own.
So when I am ready to go home, and yes it is a when because I have accepted by now that I have no other choice but to endure and hope to God that I enjoy this journey, it will also be on my own free will.
I just hope to God it will be on the positive spectrum starting now.